I read the other day about a lovely new Mum beating herself to hell and back because she didn't feel the 'fairytale' rush of love the minute her newborn arrived. She felt there was something wrong with her and she didn't deserve her child. Well, I'm telling you that it is okay to feel that way!
We are told from many sources of information about the benefits of bonding in the early days, providing our offspring with emotional security and feeling loved - so it's no wonder some of us feel like we are failing when this wave of maternal love doesn't magically appear. Sometimes it's a gradual feeling that makes your heart swell a bit more everyday.
It doesn't mean you don't love your baby - of course you do. I'd quite happily have died for mine from the instant they existed, but it's tough to feel gushy when you've just gone through the exhausting experience of childbirth.
It also doesn't mean you are depressed - in some cases, of course, it might be. I for one have suffered PND with my second child. But again, it's also perfectly normal, with the surge of hormones, tiredness, feeling sore after delivery.. and a complete change to your life, to feel somewhat overwhelmed.
I never understood what this 'rush of love thing' was all about until I had Little One. To begin with, it was like the fact I was a Mum hadn't even sunk in..I almost had to pinch myself and say 'I'm a Mummy.... yes, it's really true!' And it wasn't for several days or even weeks until I woke up looking at my baby and thinking 'I'm in love'. With my youngest, it was instant, and it actually made me realize then, that I hadn't had that 'rush' with the other two.
It's vital to remember that you're not a bad Mum, and you've not got anything wrong with you. We're all different, and that adoring, gushy, I can't -stop-looking-at-you affection will come.
I just felt the need to blog this - Thanks for reading. I may blog about my PND story if I feel brave.
9 comments:
I talk about this a lot with friends. I had my baby at 27 weeks. It's really hard to feel that rush of love with something that looks like a skinned rat, is covered in lines and wires. I felt immediately protective, and I loved him, but I wasn't "in love" with him at that point.
There are all sorts of situations where its hard to to bond for whatever reason. I think it takes time to really fall in love with a baby, and it occurs over time.
My boy is 21 months now and I absolutely love and adore him, but those feelings have grown over time.
Absolutely & wholeheartedly agree Kylie. Gosh, 27 weeks! That must have been such a scary time. Thank you so much for commenting xxx
Yes it really was, I didn't know what fear was until I got severe pre eclampsia and was told my baby had to be delivered!
But we're both here and thriving so that's the main thing!
Oh definitely :) I've been reading your blog. A must for Mums of premature babies! Thank you for stopping by.. I now have another lovely blog in my reader :)
Hi, Which bolg is Kylies blog? I would be interested to read as I had 4 premature babies too
It's this one Linda: http://notevena.blogspot.com/
Hi, Which bolg is Kylies blog? I would be interested to read as I had 4 premature babies too
Yes it really was, I didn't know what fear was until I got severe pre eclampsia and was told my baby had to be delivered!
But we're both here and thriving so that's the main thing!
Oh definitely :) I've been reading your blog. A must for Mums of premature babies! Thank you for stopping by.. I now have another lovely blog in my reader :)
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